As it casts a pale glow over the page.
Outside the door, the moonlight glistens and gleams,
And casts its hoary rays over the snow covered forest.
Lighting up the frigid night in all its splendor.
Beyond my door the world is frozen,
Yet so much more than freezing.
The night is what lay beyond my door,
Starless, cold, void- bitter to the touch
and dreadful to behold firsthand.
Pine, spruce, and birch all crack and twist-
A cacophony of sound in the resounding silence.
Beautiful and dormant are the trees
That so readily provide us shade and heat,
The seasonal pastimes they so graciously enjoy.
Deep inside the cabin, a great fire roars-
Dispelling cold and silence both,
filling the void with pleasant scents;
The stove glows bright cherry-red,
Stirring both the soul and hand.
Could it be? I see my heart before me,
The frigid world beyond my door in eternal winter.
Yet-as if a memory, though one not yet seen-
Summer still resounds as a fire in my heart,
As His hope and love fuel the flame within.
As I lay my will down one more time,
I remember Your promises so faithful and true;
No regret dwells within those whom You have chosen
My fate will be as those who have gone before
The ones who spoke to You and heard Your voice.
No matter what lay beyond my door,
I look to You for life, for my very breath
And trust you to give me the words and Your strength.
The lantern light flickers and rolls,
As it casts a pale glow over the page.
Hey Will, nice poem over all! I didn't forget your request and so I'll try to keep the comments coming in the future. Another note: I do not claim to know poems and by no means am an expert in reading or writing them, so take this with a (very large) grain of salt.
ReplyDeleteA couple things I noticed.
To me it seems you have a theme going(trees, silence, darkness) in the first half that does have a connection to the second half(cabin, fire, His light), but I think it could be better connected in the last couple paragraphs, I see you wrote about the light you mentioned in the first paragraph, but I think the connection to the rest of the story could be made more clear perhaps.
It looks like there is an extra space in one or maybe two places ...hard to say for sure, could be the font maybe.
Also, I'm not sure if its a big deal, but I was thinking each sentence should start with an uppercase letter if for no other reason, but for the sake of consistency.
Oh, and that reminds me. In the second paragraph, you move from present-tense to past-tense(maybe change "lay" to "lays" or maybe "lies" and it seems like you should stay in the present unless done on purpose for a reason I missed.
Not intending this to sound super critical, just trying to help! :)
Sincerely,
Aaron